pinkhairthing

I will tell you that I have not blogged in a while because I no longer work at a desk, and so I no longer spend hours on the net on The Man’s dime. But now I have a cute little white snowy laptop, and I do spend lots of time on the couch, so I could conceivably blog now. I can blog and watch Friends at the same time. Could I be more boring?

Here is my current issue, and I invite you, the internet, to weigh in. I am in a Britney-esque position: no longer a girl, not yet a beiged out North Shore Nancy. I am talking about shopping, people. There aren’t any clothes stores for me. I have a womanly body, and the kids today are wearing strange pants. When I put them on, they make terrible bulges happen in unattractive places, and yet are 4 inches too big at the waist. The waist, which apparently now falls 5 inches below the belly button. Well, I just don’t go straight down. I go way in at the waist, and then way back out. There is junk in the trunk. Plus, these pants aremade of a fabric called “Luxury-stretch” which, needless to say, is a horror. So the Limited and Express are way too ultra low rise stretch denim Alexandra the 22-year old publicist, J. Crew has freaking bumblebees embroidered on their trousers (I asked the lady at the store if anyone ever actually bought them, and she said a woman from Texas bought 3 pairs...). The Gap is just having horrible colors right now. I go to Banana Republic and Anne Taylor but good Lord people, no one is that conservatively dressed in real life, are they? And I am out pants shopping, which I inherently dislike and always have because of the folding up of cuffs my monstrously short legs humiliatingly have always required, because some anal retentives at my work place have decided it is really important we all enforce the dress code at the clinic. God knows denim is a great inhbitor of qi-flow. Who could take me seriously as a Supervisor with – wait for it, gasp!- jeans on under my lab coat!?!?!?!? But the really big issue is this one: I need a store. The Gap used to be it, but no longer. I need style, but funk, and grown-up wear to work pants that aren’t so lame. Polyester pinstripe with sky-blue piping? Really?

Any thoughts?

And don’t say Anthropologie because their tailoring is for shit. Pretty, but too expensive for how shitty.