pinkhairthing

Dear Pinky,
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Rool-Tootsie Pop?
Signed,
Frustrated Tootsie Licker

My Dear Boy,
First of all, one can only assume you meant Tootsie Roll, as we hear at pinkhairthing have never seen nor licked a rool of any variety. Next, my Duck, Pinky doesn't just lick at it like some fawn at a salt-stand...

(You know, what I was about to write is so disgusting and pornographic that I think I just offended myself. I think, but I am not sure, it is because we saw The Aristocrats the other night, and it must be watched, but may be damaging to any last shred of propriety you might hope to maintain in this ragtag, tempest-tossed world.)

Simply, Licker, I would advise you to suck it. And I mean that with all fondness. And when you get to that creamy center, you'll just have to improvise.

Yours in truly helpful advice,
Pinky "Assmachine" Bethesda